Where are you now?
by DarkLuxis
Summary: "Danna! You promised you'd never leave me! Where are you now?" Deidara screamed, pounding Sasori's lifeless puppet body. "Where!" Deidara sobbed. "Dammit..." The tears escaped his eyes, dripping onto the wood of his once lover. WARNING: Yaoi. AU. Character death. One shot. SasoDei. SasuNaru side pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in Naruto_.**

"Danna?"

No answer.

"Sasori no Danna?!"

Nothing.

Trembling, Deidara took a step forward. His eye's searched the rocks for his partner. Something red caught his sight. Feeling his heart beat quicken, the blonde took a few wobbling steps towards the red blur in the distance.

"No... You.. No.." He mumbled, denial clear in his voice. The back of his eye's stung at the thought of his partner dying. He took of, running full speed, towards what he believed to be Sasori. Seeing the puppet laying limp on the ground, he froze. His eye's widened, allowing the tears to fall freely. His hand raised to his mouth, covering it in shock. His knees buckled and he fell to the ground.

"Nooooooo!" He screamed. He hugged the puppet to his chest. "No.." He choked out. He dropped the puppet and bent over it. Laying his head on the chest of the lifeless doll, sobs wracked his body. He cried hysterically, pounding the ground with his fist, leaving it shredded. After he could cry no more, he lifted his face, allowing the tears to dry in the wind, staining his face just as Sasori's death stained his heart. No.. it didn't stain his heart... it crushed it. Crushed it into tiny pieces that flew away with the wind. His hair blew in the breeze and he looked towards the sky. No longer denying his love's death, he picked himself up. Looking down once more, he pulled on his cloak, and walked away.

* * *

"Deidara, where is Sasori?"

"Dead." He told Pein.

"Oh.. I'm sorry."

"No, Leader-sama. I'm sorry, we were weak and our mission was failed." Deidara stated with cold, lifeless eyes.

"Why don't you take a break for the next few days?" Pein asked, but they both knew it was an order. He couldn't have Deidara going out on missions. It was guaranteed suicide.

"...Sure."

"Okay, you are dismissed."

"Where... where is Itachi?" Deidara asked quietly.

"In his room." Pein replied.

"Thank you." Deidara mumbled, eyes cast downward, then walked away.

* * *

_"Danna! I have an idea!" The blonde giggled._

Deidara's eye's flashed towards his door.

_"Hm?" Sasori hummed._

He halted, turning towards the door.

_"Let's carve our favorite animals into the door!" He suggested excitedly._

His finger traced the carved image of a scorpion. He shook his head and continued on his way.

_"I.. I love you Sasori!" The blushing blonde admitted._

Deidara stopped once again.

_The red head hugged Deidara. "Idiot. I love you too." _

Tears filled his eyes. "No...if you loved me.. you wouldn't have left." He began walking, only to be stopped again.

_"Hey danna? If I died.. would you be sad?" The small blonde asked timidly._

The tears once again fell.

_Sasori turned towards Deidara. "What makes you ask that?"_

He choked and felt a sob rise in his throat.

_"Well.. I just.. Hidan said that you don't know how to feel..I told him he was wrong because you love me.. right?"_

"No.. He doesn't. Turn around. Leave. Don't let him get to you." He sobbed.

_"Don't let him put ideas in your head. Of course I love you. I wouldn't be sad though.."_

"No.. don't make me remember this.. please don't!" He cried out hysterically.

_"W-what?" Deidara asked, shocked. Tears filled his eyes and he backed away slowly._

Deidara's knees buckled and he fell onto the cold ground.

_"Hey, come here," He began, pulling Deidara into a hug. "I wouldn't miss you, because I would be right there with you."_

"No! You're not here! What happened to always being with me?" He cried. Reaching into his holster, he pulled out a kunai.

* * *

"Deidara? Dei? What's wrong?" Hidan stopped upon seeing the kunai placed against Deidara's neck. His gaze followed the hand that held the kunai in place, and gasped upon seeing the no one else around. "Deidara! Put it down! Right now! KAKUZU! HELP!" Hidan screamed, running up to Deidara. He took the kunai and threw it to the ground, picking up Deidara.

"PUT ME DOWN! LET ME DIE! I WANT MY DANNA!" He sobbed, thrashing around in Hidan's arms. Kakauzu ran over and helped Hidan to carry Deidara to Pein's office. Upon arrival, they knocked once, then barged in.

"What are you do- Deidara?" Pein asked.

"He tried to commit suicide." Hidan bluntly stated.

"Let me die." Deidara stated coldly.

"No can do." Pein daid dryly.

"Why not?" Deidara asked, equally as dry.

"You're strong. I need strong people in the Akatsuki." Pein reasoned.

"Whatever." He muttered. "Hidan, if you're not going to let me go, take me to my room." Said man looked at the leader of the Akatsuki. After he was given an approving nod, he carried Deidara to his room. When they arrived, Hidan threw Deidara on his bed and proceeded to sit down against the wall.

"Why are you still here?"

"I need to watch over you, make sure you don't.. hurt your self." The white haired man stated.

"Get Itachi." Deidara ordered.

"ITACHI!" Hidan shouted, his eyes squinting at the sheer volume of his own voice.

"Idiot. I meant get up and get him." Deidara scoffed.

"I'm not leaving you alone." Hidan said.

"What?" Itachi asked pointedly, when he arrived. He looked over at Deidara and didn't fail to notice the missing person.

"He died?" Itachi asked. All he received was a nod. "I'm sorry. Hidan you can go." Hidan nodded and headed out.

"Why does it hurt so much?" Deidara asked, tears burning his eyes again.

"You loved him. That's why it hurts."

Deidara scoffed. "I loved him.."

"He loved you too." Itachi stated.

"No he didn't. He wouldn't of left me if he loved me." Deidara giggled like a mad man.

"It's because he loved you that he left. He protected you until the end."

"Haha..haha.. no.. no.. he died.. he.." Deidara cried, his eyes wide and head between his knees.

"He loved you."

* * *

(Deidara's POV)

I some times wonder.. How long has it been since you left. Days.. weeks.. months? You know, I'm going mad. I keep having the hallucinations that you're actually here. Alive.

You're dead. They all tell me that. I know that. Then why is it so hard to accept it? I really am going crazy. I can't even fight anymore. I'm a coward. I'm afraid to die because I don't know if I'll still be able to see you. I'm afraid that if I die, I'm letting go, and I'll never see your beautiful face again. I wonder if you miss me. Do you Danna? Do you cry over me? No.. you don't love me... I can't sleep any more. When I do, I forget everything. I don't like forgetting those muddy brown eyes and that vibrant red hair.. it's all I have to hold onto. Some times, I wish I could fight. I wish someone would kill me so I don't have to go through this torment anymore. I'm too cowardly to take my own life. After that one try, I didn't try again. I stopped trying anything. Pein called me useless for that. Itachi is the only one that cares anymore. I'm even starting to doubt him though. Danna.. I miss you... come back.. I can't do this anymore.. I'm going to snap sooner or later...

Can you see them? The tears I'm shedding for you? The pain that courses through my body at the thought of you gone for ever? The blood that pours from the open wounds inflicted upon my wrists? The emotionless facade I am forced to build? The dead eyes that were once sparkling with life? My heart that's been crushed? My soul that has died?

* * *

_"Deidara. I'm sending you on a mission." Pein ordered._

_"I thought I was 'useless' though." Deidara stated dryly._

_"I need you to do this one." Pein said coldly._

_"Very well."_

_"Hunt down the Kyuubi no Kitsune container, Uzumaki Naruto." Pein said, handing Deidara the paper work._

_"Him again. He was there when we captured Shukaku... he was there when.." He choked._

_"Go now." Pein stated._

So here he was. Waiting outside the border of Konoha for his prey. He heard footsteps and took for the trees to hide.

"Sakura-chan, how is Gaara doing?" A hyper active blonde asked. Deidara's eyes narrowed when he spotted pink. _"It was her. She killed him. She killed my Sasori." _He raged. Deciding now as good a time as ever, he discarded the Akatsuki robe and began his plan. He tightened at his pony tail, letting the rest of his blonde locks cascade down his back, and changed into black anbu style pants and a red tank top with a mesh under shirt. He jumped down onto the ground and walked a bit until he found a stump to sit on. There he sat, thinking about Sasori. He needed to cry. It was the only way to get there attention. So cry he did. He remembered when they fought about whose art was better. He remembered waking up in Sasori's arms. He remembered crying on Sasori's empty puppet body when he had died. He cried. He sobbed.

"Um.. are you okay?" Naruto asked when he saw Deidara crying on the stump. Deidara sniffled and rubbed his eyes then look at his feet.

"No."

"Can I ask why?" The pink haired girl, Sakura asked. Deidara held himself back from snapping at her.

"I lost the love of my life." He said.

"Oh.. I'm sorry. Well.. would you like to talk about it?" Sakura asked again.

"..I guess." Deidara mumbled.

"Okay.." Sakura said, sitting down. Naruto followed suit.

"So.. what was there name?" Naruto asked. _"The plan be damned."_ A voice whispered in the back of Deidara's head. _"Give up." _It suggested. _"Go to him."_

"Sasori." He muttered. Sakura's eyes widened.

"Sasori... as in.. Sasori of the Red Sand...?" She asked.

"Yes."

"I-i.. um.." She stuttered, standing up.

"You. You killed him. You killed the love of my life. Do you know how that feels?" He asked menacingly. She shook her head and got into a defensive stance.

"...I'm a coward." Deidara mumbled. "I can't kill myself. So.. I want you to kill me."

"W-what?" They both asked in astonishment.

"I can't stay in the Akatsuki. I'm lost. I can't fight. I can't live on." He paused then snorted, "I'm supposed to be capturing you." He gestured to Naruto.

"..."

"Kill me. Please." Deidara begged. _"He was my reason to live."_

"I won't do that." Naruto stated.

"..." Deidara stood up. "Then I'll kill you." He said coldly, grabbing clay out of his pouches. Naruto stood slightly infront of the pinkette, his right hand at the ready to grab a kunai from his holster, the other in front of him prepared to make hand seals. Deidara stood, grabbed the black cloak covered in red clouds, and pulled it over his shoulders, not bothering to button it up, or put his arms in their respective sleeves. A cold breeze blew and his now loose pony tail came undone, allowing his hair to flow freely. His eyes sharpened in a glare and a scoul marred his face. A gash lay on his cheek; the only imperfection visible to the eye. Sakura's eyes flashed to Naruto. Said blonde's eyes were filled with sadness. Her eyes flashed back to the Akatsuki member. He stood stock still, his eyes narrowed and his lips turned downward. She shook her head and relaxed, steadying her body as she stood tall, rather than the stance of a ninja. She looked to naruto and pleaded with him to follow her lead. After a moments hesitation, the boy did as the pinkette had, and now stood tall, facing the surprised blonde.

"I could easily kill you." He muttered. Naruto took a step closer to the other blonde, while Deidara took a step back.

"You said your lost, correct? You need a place to go back to?" Naruto questioned.

"I-i.. guess.." Deidara stammered, shock clear on his face.

"Then come back with us, to Konoha." The younger of the two suggested. Deidara's eyes flickered to Sakura.

"Konoha ninja are the reason I am as I am." He hissed.

"Maybe so... but Konha ninja can also be the ones to save you from falling so deep into your sorrow that you lose sight of the light." Naruto claimed. Deidara's eyes widened slightly, and his lips parted, just barely. After a moment of consideration, his face hardened.

"I won't leave Itachi with those people. He is the only one that cares for me anymore."

"Itachi was exiled. He murdered an entire clan of people, minus one." Naruto argued. "We cannot allow him back."

"Itachi was working on orders. Orders from your own village, and yet, he was named a traitor and a murder." Diedara hissed. Naruto froze.

"W-what?" He croaked out.

"You heard me. Now I will not agree to any buisness in your village unless I have Itachi there with me." Deidara demanded.

"I'll speak with Granny.." Naruto mumbled. "In the mean while, you should head back to your base and inform.. Itachi.." Naruto informed. Deidara nodded and took to the trees.

"Naruto.. are you sure about this?" Sakura asked from behind him. All she recieved in repsonse was a nod.

* * *

"Who's there?" Itachi asked, referring to the knocking on his door.

"..Deidara.."

"Come in." Itachi mumbled. The blonde opened the door quietly, stepping in, then closed it softly behind him.

"I have.. a suggestion.." Deidara mumbled. "Please, hear me out, though, before you decided against it."

"..Fine." Itachi mumured.

"What if.. we got your name cleared..." He started. Itachi opened his mouth, as if to protest, but closed it when deidara glared. "What if.. we went to Konoha, and left the Akatsuki. Pein knows I'm usless here, the only reason I stayed was for Sasori and you and I both know your only here for your brothers sake." Itachi considered it for a moment, then stood abruptly and grabbed his rice-hat.

"Let's go." He mumbled, activationg his sharingan. Deidara nodded and followed behind Itachi.

Getting out was relatively easy; at least, easier than expected. Hidan had, of course, been standing gaurd near the door. However, Itachi simply walked up to the jashinist, looked in his eye, and walked back to Deidara, Hidan in a trembling heap on the floor. Deidara gave the other a questioning gaze.

"Tsukuyomi." Itachi stated, continuing towards the outside world. Deidara shrugged and followed the other. As the two made way to Konoha through the trees, Deidara remembered something that he had forgotten.

"Wait, Itachi.." Deidara mumbled. "I'll be right back, you wait here." He took off in the opposite direction, heading to a long collapsed cave. Memories flashed before the blonde's eyes; memories of the day he wandered into this cave, confident his Danna had survived. Memories of the tears pouring freely down his cheeks as he found the lifeless puppet in the center of the cave, stabbed in the false heart; the false heart that beat for a certain long haired blonde. Memories of giving up. Deidara had died with the puppet. He was merely a shell of himself anymore. Anything that ever was Deidara, was gone - long gone. His eyes caught tufts of red sticking up from behind a rock and he took small painful steps towards that hair he knew belonged to the shell of his lover. When he reached the body, tears welled in his eyes. This was all that was left, a broken puppet; a child's play toy. He bent down and brushed his fingers over the cheek of his once lover, before retreating his hand and instead searching for the other's. Finding it, he slid it into his own, then painstakingly slipped off the silver ring that adorned his once moving fingers. He took a moment to stare at the purple center. '_Sphere_' It had said. Sighing, Deidara slipped the silver ring onto his left thumb, fiddling with it for a moment, before giving one last look to Sasori. No... the puppet. He stood after a moment and took to the trees; prepared to start anew.

Arriving in Konoha, they were immediately stopped by the guards, Kotetsu and Izumo.

"Akatsuki! Izumo, send word to the hokage!" Kotetsu shouted. Deidara lifted his hands in defense and stood back. Itachi, after a brief pause, decided to do the same. As the bandaged chunnin's eyes roamed over the Akatsuki, he noticed the raven hair beneath one of the Akatsuki's rice hats. He tensed and choked out,

"Uchiha... Itachi?" before paling and getting into a defensive stance.

"We mean no harm. We come with... information.." the Uchiha said in a soft voice, darting his eyes to his raised hands, then the ground. Kotetsu wasn't convinced.

Nearly three minutes later, Tsunade arrived at the front gate, followed by Naruto and Sakura, or "Pink haired bitch" as Deidara put it.

"Where is my brother?" Itachi demanded, a worried expression threatening to crack his nostalgic mask.

"Why don't we go to my office... Itachi.. and.."

"Deidara." The blonde put in with a false smile.

"Right.. lets go to my office." She lifted her hand and an Anbu appeared. The captain, most likely. Itachi noticed the familiarity of the figure, but he couldn't place it. As the Anbu noticed him, he tensed and growled. Naruto placed a comforting hand on the raven masked Anbu's shoulder, and shook his head slightly. The raven (**A/N:**Named Raven until his identity is given...though I feel it's quite obvious.) calmed noticeably and turned back to Tsunade.

"Raven, you are not to attack these two...Ex-Akatsuki members." She demanded sternly. "I leave it to you to inform the others." He nodded at her, then turned to Naruto.

"I love you.. Raven." He mumbled, hugging the other tightly and burying his face into Raven's chest. Raven whispered something back before releasing the blonde and turning on his heels, leaping towards Anbu HQ. Itachi sighed and watched as Deidara fought with his emotions. "It's okay. I know you're hurting." Itachi comforted, patting the other's head before nodding at Tsunade and following her to the Hokage Tower.

"Uchiha, Itachi..." Tsunade began, glancing at said raven before turning her eyes downwards, towards her desk. "So you wish to return to Konoha..." She sighed. "Where is your proof of what has been stated?"

"Hokage documents. In the archives of which only you and the elders have access, Hokage-sama." Itachi stated dryly. She nodded at the other then turned to Deidara.

"You wish to become a shinobi of Konoha, rather than your home, Iwa?" Tsunade asked the blonde.

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Deidara said in an emotionless voice.

"I see. Wait with Shizune, Sakura, and Naruto while I retrieve the documents, and the Sandaime's report." Tsunade ordered, heading towards the door.

"Hai." The two said in unison, used to being ordered to stay put.

After a few silent moments, Tsunade returned with a stack of paper work. Sitting at her desk, she looked briefly through them before catching the Uchiha's cold gaze.

"What happened that night?" Tsunade asked, thumbing a loose sheet of paper.

"Sandaime-sama was under Danzou's influence. I agreed completely with their concern, but not their plan. Danzou ordered that I eliminate the Uchiha clan in order to prevent a civil war. The Uchiha were planning to over throw the Hokage, as they did not agree with his plan of action, or their limit on power. Uchiha are very arrogant; we pride ourselves in our doujutsu, but that causes us to underestimate our opponent and overestimate our own abilities. He belived the best course of action was to eliminate them before that could happen. Of course, I would not agree unless my little brother, Sasuke, was protected by the village, and exempt from the elimination. I could not kill him, he was too dear to me; he still is." He said, glancing towards the shadowed wall. His lips turned upwards slightly, then his gaze returned to Tsunade. "They allowed him to live, on the condition that I be blamed for the massacre of my clan, and I go rogue. I was also ordered to join the Akatsuki; a spy you could say. Danzou believed this was the best course of action, and as my rank was below his, who was I to disagree." Tsunade seemed awestruck, but after a moment she collected herself.

"I see. After reading the claims made by Sarutobi-sensei...I believe you, and I grant you access to citizenship. Of course, seeing as you are still considered an S- rank criminal, you are on a month of... probation. As for your comrade, Deidara, why do you wish to join Konoha?" The blonde met the Hokage's brown eyed gaze and his own eyes widened a bit at the resemblance to... Sasori. He broke the gaze and looked to Itachi, pleading with his eyes.

"Hokage-sama.. if I may."

"Hai."

"Deidara has lost his... lover.. recently in battle. Sasori had brown eyes, a similar shade to yours. He... well... Deidara is reminded of Sasori when he looks at you, so he wishes for me to speak for him." Itachi sighed. Tsunade smiled sadly.

"Losing the one you love hurts. I understand. Please, Itachi, continue for him." Tsunade said.

"Hai. Deidara's only reason for staying with the Akatsuki... for living, was Sasori. When Sasori was taken from him on a mission given bye the leader of our organization, he couldn't bear it. As you said, losing your love is painful, and for days- no weeks... Deidara was like a zombie. He ate only when forced. He slept only when knocked out. He smiled no longer. He tried... he tried to take his own life in hopes of reuniting with Sasori. The other members got tired of his non stop sadness and complained to Pein, our leader. Pein, of course, had seen this and had also realized that he was no longer of use to the group; so he ordered Deidara to capture the Kyuubi jinchuuriki once more. Of course, seeing as Deidara was lost with out Sasori, he was incapable of fighting. Pein knew this, and so he sent Deidara on this suicide mission in hopes of ridding the Akatsuki of him. It seemed I was the only one to care any more.

"During his mission, Deidara was taken back by Naruto's sheer willingness to help him. So, he agreed, in hopes of finding something better. Somewhere to restart." Itachi finished. Tsunade smiled and replied simply,

"Access granted."

* * *

(Deidara's POV)

I've started over, but I still miss you. I still need you. I still need your wooden fingers that comb through my hair as I cry. Yet I now know that I can have that no longer. I still need your loving hugs when I'm feeling lonely. Yet I know I will be hugged no more. I still need your artificial heart beat that lulled me to sleep. Yet your hearts beats no more. As I sit here, can you feel the sadness radiating from my broken soul? As I sit here, can you see the tears that I shed for you, and you only? As I sit here, can you see the blade I have pressed against my wrist, daring to be dragged across pale flesh. One move; that's all it would take. One pull, that I cannot make, as my hands are restrained by other, much larger hands. One move that I could have succeeded in, had I not hesitated. Had I not contemplated. Had I not remembered. One move that meant life or death. I wish to return to you, yet I am held back from my wish. I am pleaded with. I am reminded that I have come here to restart. I am reminded that you are forever gone. I am told that I am making the wrong choice. What do they know? What do they understand about love? Why can't they see? This is my choice. My choice to be happy once more. My choice to sacrifice my already broken soul, in turn to see yours once more. This is my battle to fight. My issue to face. My choice. Why cant they accept that I am no longer happy with out you. Why cant they accept that I will never move on. Without you, there is no me. Without you I am a shell. So I thrash hopelessly, and scream in agony and sadness. I scream until my voice cracks and the sobs wrack my body. I thrash until my limbs grow weak and I am forced to lay still. I fight for my death as they fight for my life. I am no use to this world any longer, yet they refuse to see the truth. I cant take this much longer. So as I lay, sobbing hopelessly, I pray to the being I once believed to be imaginary, and ask for death. I pray in hope I can see you. I can hold you. I can kiss you. I pray to be taken from this wretched earth. Hoping for one more shot, I lay silent, evening out my breaths and sliding my eyes shut. Believing me to be sleeping, they leave, forgetting one important blade on the nightstand. The click of the door is the sign that I am free to slice as I please. I promise, I'll see you again. And with that, I rip the blade across my wrist. Deep. Unforgiving. Bloody. Over and over I rip the skin as deep and hard as I can until I feel myself become dizzy from blood loss. Smiling to myself, I lay down once more and fall into eternal sleep. A lone whisper lingered in the air as my breathing slowed to a halt. A whisper that will be forever true.

I love you.

* * *

**This took my so long. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Also, as you read, I recommend that you listen to "Top sad songs from Naruto Shippuden" on Youtube.**


	2. Update

**Hello! I wish to inform you that after a long debate, I have decided to work on a second chapter to my story, Where Are You Now.**

The second chapter will apeal to SasuNaru and KisaIta, with slight ItaSasu, but not sexualy/romantically; brotherly. I havent yet begun it because I am accumulating ideas. I will keep you informed, however, and will try to update soon, unlike my other story where I've totally given up. My brain really dislikes me as of late. I've been in and out of hospitals lately from dealing with anxiety, and the effects of malnourishment, such as fainting and losing focus. Because of my eating disorder, as stated before, I cannot focus, thus making story writing a lot harder than it normally would be with my overly active brain.

**Love always,_ Dark_.**


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